took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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