Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Congratulations! We have a period
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
