Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
