why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
