Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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