i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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