I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Never underestimate the power of titties
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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