The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
