margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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