the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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