Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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