there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
