forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
