Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
