i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
