i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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