Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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