Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
