I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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