I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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