Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
