Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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