i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
