When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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