she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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