are you still at the devil's house?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
