shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My legs feel like baby dolphins
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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