When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
