I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
