so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
