update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
