I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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