I want to make a zoo with you.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
