im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
