I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
