thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
