Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
