So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
