I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
