I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
