I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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