so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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