We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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