you guys were way drunker than both of me
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
