cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
