i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
