She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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