I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
