the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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