so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
