You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
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