He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
