Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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